"Hello, Image Comics. How can we make your day more extreme?"
"Err, Hello. This is Santa Claus. I'm hoping you can help me with something. I need a new look. You see, the kids these days are losing interest in the old-fashioned Christmas traditions. Its all "Turtle this" and "Sega Mega Drive that". I think I need a bit of an update, to keep up with the times."
"I think we can definitely help with that. It seems you need a Gritty Reboot. Did you have anything in mind?"
"Well, I did hear the kids talking about something called a Spawn and a Deadpool. Maybe something along those lines?"
"Sure. We can hook you up with our Liefield package. You get superfulous muscles and several hundred pouches. Unfortunately you will end up without any usable feet."
"Oh, I kind of need those. I do a lot of climbing up chimneys..."
"Thats no problem, we can get Jim Lee to do your feet. Though it will be extra."
"Ah, what the hell. I'm sure a few kids can live without their Tamagotchis this year..."
Don't ask. I've had a lot of coffee today.